


25

by IWrtBksNtTrgds (orphan_account)



Series: Wattpad Fics (That totally suck. Don't read them) [4]
Category: Bandom, Blink-182, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Cancer, Don't Read This, M/M, bucket lists, discontinued, i'm like. begging you, please, this sucks so bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-09 17:15:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 11,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13486104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/IWrtBksNtTrgds
Summary: "Do you really think you have cancer?"There's a moment where neither of us say anything, but it passes with the breeze."Yes. I really truly think I have cancer and I really truly think I'm gonna die."Pete stands up as soon as I say it and pulls me close."I won't let you die."





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, please don't read this. This is something off of my wattpad from like a year ago, and it's just a piece of shit so like. Unless you're looking for a shit book, I would suggest you don't read this. Or anything else in the wattpad fic series. Thanks.

Prologue

1) Meet someone new (don't be an introvert)  
2) Go on a road trip  
3) Visit Seattle  
4) Go on the space needle  
5) Fall in love  
6) Go to a Blink-182 concert  
7) Send a message in a bottle out to the ocean  
8) Attend a bonfire  
9) Learn guitar  
10) Write a song  
11) Watch the stars  
12) Learn some French  
13) Get kicked out of a Walmart  
14) Fly in a hot air balloon  
15) Climb a tree  
16) Go to an amusement park  
17) Learn WMUWSE  
18) Get a tattoo  
19) Write in wet cement  
20) Fold 1,000 origami cranes and wish  
21) Eat a dandelion  
22) Watch an eclipse   
23) Binge watch Star Wars  
24) With snacks  
25) Get cured

•••

I was diagnosed with depression three weeks after they'd found the lump in my side.

My mind has always been a maze, a constant swarm of positive,"What if's?" and, "I want to's." The kinds of things that make people smile and the kinds of things that my friends would join in on, consensual or not.

But then they found the lump.

Mama said it was nothing. It was just a mosquito bite even though it wasn't. We both knew that.

Three days passed and it didn't leave, so she and I decided to go to the doctor's. Tests. Tests. More tests. Then tears. Hearts caught in throats. Stress. Anxiety. Depression hit.

That's when my "what if's?" turned darker. That's when my, "I want to's," turned into, "If only I'd's." That's when I limited myself to my room, shut my eyes, and blocked out the world. That's when everything fell down around me and no matter what, I couldn't come back up. Anti-depressants.

"I couldn't. I can't. Mama, what if? Will I live? I'm so afraid, Mama."

We tried to cope as well as we could but it didn't work out as well as we may have hoped.

So, I was alone. Patrick and I talked here and there, but we were losing contact. Frank would come over and he'll hear me out. He hugged me close and tells me it'll be alright even when it won't be. Gerard and I would have deep talks, but he usually avoided the house and stayed with Patrick if he could in his own place.

At school, the teachers give me sad smiles. Travie gives me high fives, tells me to, "Stay strong, Man." I hate all the sympathy, but sometimes it feels like all the love I can get.

As for the bucket list.

I got around to starting it a few months ago. Before the... cancer...

Patrick and I were talking about it, we always used to hang out and he talked about how  
he'd always wanted to make one and then suggested I make one. So we made it. 24 things and the thing is, we couldn't think of the 25th. That's okay, though, we made do with what we had.

We finished it three weeks ago. A day before I went to the doctor's. Four days before I was diagnosed.

So here I am. Laying in bed with my eyes dropped and my bulleted list in hand. Bullet number 25 on the list is the only one I'm afraid I can't get.

I'm afraid I'm losing hope.


	2. Chapter 2

1.0

"Mikey, hey."

I gaze across at the glass of water on my bedside table, my lip trapped between my teeth and my fingers shakily tracing the patterns in my bed.

"Hi."

I hear Patrick take a breath and after a moment, he just sighs, slumping against what I assume to be is the wall.

"Mikey, uh... so there's this guy that... he's really nice. His name's Pete, he's really talented, he's a photographer and uh... he knows guitar. Anyways, I thought that you might want to meet him. Maybe cross one of those things off of your bucket list, y'know?"

There's silence for a moment, painful and ugly. Soon enough, though, I turn in bed and I let out a shaky breath.

"Yeah, sure. I mean why not?" I ask. After a moment, I lower my eyes as more silence initiates between us.

This is how our conversations seem to go now. Silence, silence, more silence. Small tidbits of conversation.

"Cool, Whidby Park? Later today? At like 4? Him and I were planning on meeting up anyways." I can hear him bite his lip, "Gerard, too..."

"Yeah, that sounds... fine..." I blink, gazing blankly at the wall.

After at least thirty more seconds of silence, Patrick speaks again.

"How's the uh... procedure going? I heard they're gonna cut it off soon. Is there a date to that? Or..."

"July 7th." I reply, then I bite my lip, "I mean I'm sure it's fine. It's just a growth. It can't have spread that fast, could it?" I swallow. We both know the truth.

"Yeah..." he replies in a quiet tone. I can hear the hesitation, "well I'm gonna go now. I'll see you in a bit..."

"Yeah... sure." I purse my lips, "see you."

"Bye. If you need anything—"

I've already hung up.

I don't need anything.


	3. Chapter 3

1.1

He's pretty.

Dark hair, bushy eyebrows, a little bit of a fringe, dark eyes. He's wearing a hoodie of a company I've never heard of before. Clandestine Industries. Converse. Ripped jeans. I wouldn't be surprised if he also listened to Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance.

"Mikey?"

I blink and look to my left to see Patrick, hand in hand with my older brother and I shrink back a little, shoving my hands awkwardly in my pockets.

"Hey, 'Trick," then look to Gerard, "Gee."

Patrick smiles at me, a hint of sadness in those green eyes but they quickly leave when he looks over at Pete.

"Pete, this is Mikey, Mikey, this is Pete."

I look over at the other boy who looks much more confident that me and I can't help but be a little jealous. I've never been super confident, just awkward and lanky. I also notice that he has a camera around his neck. So Patrick wasn't lying about the photography part.

He holds out his hand and I take it after a moment, blushing slightly.

"Nice to meet you."

"Uh... you too..." I reply, avoiding his gaze and looking away.

Before the silence can become awkward, Patrick runs off with Gerard's hand in his. He tends to do that, just be really impulsive like that.

Pete raises his eyes brows and after a moment looks to me, chuckling and scratching the back of his head, "You think we should...?"

"Yeah... sure," I chuckle.

It's not long before we've caught up with the other two. Patrick is on the swing and Gerard is pushing him along and soon enough, Pete's on the second swing, his camera bouncing against his chest.

I bite my lip and after a moment, just sigh and roll my eyes, plopping down on the ground and pulling my paper from my pocket along with a pencil.

I always take it everywhere I go, it's become an obsession.

1\. Meet someone new.

I bite my lip but before I can cross it off, I hear a clinking of chains, but just as I look up, there's a soft click.

I blink.

Pete is in front of me with his camera in hand, smiling down at me.

"What?"

He chuckles a little and lets go of the camera once he's satisfied with the picture.

"Why did you take a picture of me?" I ask, still confused as hell.

"You're pretty." He replies, then after a very smooth wink, he turns and walks away, holding his camera to his eye as he looks around the park.

I let go of the lip I don't even realize I had between my teeth and shake my head.

God no, I'm not thinking of him like that. I can't.

I'm going to die soon. It's not like it'll be worth it. But either way, I look down at my bucket list and cross off the first on the list.

1\. Meet someone new


	4. Chapter 4

2.0

Pete and Patrick come over a couple days later while Gerard has to work. It's June 20th. 17 days until I get the lump cut out and tested.

Knock, knock, knock.

There's a long silence and I have to quickly build up the will to pull myself out of bed because there are times that I really can not get out of bed no matter how much I try. I want to, I just don't have the will and I just... can't...

"Michael, Love, do you want me to let your friends in?" I hear Mama ask from where she stands at my door. I swear she's a life saver.

"Yeah, thanks," I reply, looking up at her with a weak smile. She smiles back with her own gentle smile, caring and motherly. I've always loved that about her. She always lets me do whatever makes me happy as long as I'm home in time for dinner. Okay with where I go as long as I don't hurt myself too bad. As long as I know she loves me. I always have.

She comes forward and kisses my forehead gently, which, most kids would force away, but I don't mind it. It makes me feel safer inside.

"Love you, Mama."

"Love you, too, Darling," she replies, pulling away and heading to the front door.

"Good evening, Mrs. Way," I hear Patrick say, "Is Mikey home right now?"

"Right in his room, Sweetie, who's this?" Mama replies.

"I'm Pete, uh, Peter Wentz, but Pete's just fine." I hear the dark haired boy reply. I smile a little at his voice. He's cute. I think I've said that before. Why am I mentioning this again? Why am I thinking of him different than Patrick or Gerard?

"Nice to meet you, Pete, I'm Donna but you can call me whatever you'd like, Darling. Go right ahead. If you need anything, I'm here, don't be afraid to ask."

"Thank you, Mama," I hear Patrick say. He calls her Mama sometimes and it's cute. He's basically a brother to me, though.

Footsteps make their way to my room and I look up reluctantly at Patrick and Pete—who has a Polaroid camera around his neck—both standing at the door with dark expressions.

"Hey, Man, you doing alright?" Patrick asks softly, sitting at the edge of the bed. I shrug in reply, his fake smile soon leaving.

My gaze leaves the blond and instead looks up to Pete who has a notebook in hand and my eyebrows raise slightly when he hands it over. It has a smooth, brown leather cover and a thin, black ribbon bookmark attached to the spine. It's beautiful and I feel my heart flutter a little in my chest.

"What's this?" I ask quietly.

"Uh... Patrick said you liked to write... and I know you're not in the best position right now..." Pete replies quietly, avoiding my gaze, "I hope it's alright?"

I smile as I flip through the pages, each paper lined and at the end there's a patch of them lineless with black paper to draw.

"I love it, Pete," I smile, then look up, "Thank you."

He gives me a hug and I chuckle a little at the contact, pulling back soon after.

"So why did you show up?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. Pete looks to Patrick and Patrick looks to Pete and a grin crosses over both of their lips as they look back to me.

"We wanted to take you on a road trip." Pete says.

"To Seattle." Patrick finishes. I raise my eyebrows and furrow them soon after in confusion and surprise.

"What do you mean? Why?"

"It's for... its for your bucket list." Patrick says, "I want to help you before..."

He looks away after a short hesitation.

"I wanted to help you. And I want to go wherever you want to go, and Pete and I saved up some money."

Pete digs around in his pocket and pulls out four slips of paper.

Blink-182  
with Mayday Parade  
Key Arena  
305 Harrison Street, Seattle, WA 98109, United States  
General admission  
Saturday, July 1st, 2017  
No refunds/no exchanges

"Oh my god!"


	5. Chapter 5

2.1

"Come on guys, this is gonna be fucking awesome, and we got a meet and greet!" Gerard yells from the front seat, a grin on his face as his hands grip the steering wheel and he looks back at me.

"Shut up man," I laugh, scratching the back of my head and blushing a little as Pete gets in beside me and Patrick packs in the front bedside Gerard, stealing a kiss from the young boy. I roll my eyes and look away with an uncomfortable sigh.

"Do you have everything, loves?" I hear Mama call from the front door. I look up to see that she has a brown sack in her hand and I roll my eyes slightly at it.

"Yes, Mama," Gerard laughs, rolling down the window to greet her and grabbing the bag in the process.

"Money?"

"Yes."

"Food?"

"Yes."

"Tickets?"

"Yes, Ma," Gerard laughs, then with a sincere smile he adds, "We have everything. It'll be fine. It's only a week and I'm nineteen."

Mama smiles down at him and after a moment, sighs and kisses his cheek, then comes to the back and kisses mine.

"Have a good week. Call me every night do you understand?"

"Yes, Ma," Gerard and I reply in unison, a humiliated voice.

She laughs a little and waves as we pull out the drive, Gerard guiding us down the road and with one last goodbye, we're off to Seattle.

***

We leave on the 27th and our plan is to arrive sometime tomorrow. We'll stay until the fourth and start driving back the next morning. Just in time for the surgery.

Sadly, it's still the 27th and we have a 13 hours drive ahead of us. Patrick and Gerard are taking turns driving because they've both got their license. Pete and I, on the other hand, are going into our Junior year next year and while we've been learning, we still have yet to get our license.

So now here we are, 17 hours into our trip. My seatbelt is unbuckled and I'm laying across Pete's lap despite the fact I was reluctant at first because... well... I don't know exactly. I mean... god I don't know how to describe it. He's so cool and I really like him. In the first five hours, he talked about his family and his friends and how his life was before he came to Chicago (he used to live in Vegas). He talked about photography and he seemed so passionate about it and it made me happy because it was just cute. How he would smile and look away as if he was seeing something I couldn't and it was just so beautiful. He's beautiful. And Patrick told me he's also gay.

I mean, I don't think I'd be able to actually have a relationship with him. If... if the lump really is cancer and I really am going to have to go through chemo, I couldn't bare to have someone who likes me in that way by my side. It would just be too painful. Too scary. I'm afraid of what would happen if I really did... die...

I bite my lip and risk looking up at him. Short, black hair, brown eyes gazing contently out the window, muscled arms. It's so much better than me with my own short, black hair and my brown eyes. His actually fit him and me? Well, I just look like a soggy potato. I guess my jawline's okay.

"Have you ever been to Seattle before?"

The question is just barely over a whisper and I can't believe I'd ask it in the first place. I should be asleep, it's 10 at night, but Pete doesn't seem to mind.

"No, but I've wanted to go for a while for my photography." He replies, then looks down at me, "How about you?"

"It's third on my bucket list," I smile right back.

"Cute," he chuckles.

"Cute?"

"Yeah, cute." He smiles.

"What's cute?" I frown.

"You, your bucket list," he replies, and after a hesitant moment, weaves his hands in my hair, "It's all very cute."

"Oh." I reply, blushing slightly and looking away. It's not very often that anyone makes me flustered like that but apparently Pete's special like that.

"Yeah." He smiles.

"Okay, Lovebirds." Patrick says from where he's driving in the front. I blush, flustered again, "We've talked and we're staying at a motel tonight. It's kinda old and shit but it's cheap. Gerard and I are sharing a bed and you two are sharing a bed. No arguments, you understand?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I reply. Pete nods to Patrick and soon enough, we're leaving the car, most of our bags in the trunk besides our toothbrushes

***

So Pete and I bunk that night and... not gonna lie it's a little awkward.

I stay to my side and he stays to his for most of the night but somewhere in there, I must have shifted and I wake up with my arms wrapped around his chest and what's worse is he's already awake. Watching me with a small smile.

"You're adorable."

"Shut up." I growl.

"I don't shut up, Baby," he chuckles, wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"Oh my god, Pete, what the fuck." I laugh, pushing him away, "Go get dressed and take a shower. You smell like shit."

"Okay, babe."

"We're just friends, Jesus Christ, Pete." I yell as he sashays to the bathroom.

As soon as the door is shut, though, I can't help but smile to myself softly.

I grab my notebook from my bag and pull out the pencil in the rings on the side.

2\. Go on a road trip


	6. Chapter 6

3.0

Four hours left.

We reach a little city called Spokane with a few skyscrapers here and there, a clocktower off in the distance with this weird ass net. I think it's the landmark. Anyways, it makes me smile a little because it means we're in Washington. And it means we're almost there.

Pete is currently sleeping sound in my lap, eyes shut and breaths slow and steady. His Polaroid camera is set on the floor and everything is just kind of nice and warm and fuzzy inside.

We stop for gas, Gerard paying while Patrick remains half asleep in the passenger seat and I take a break to stretch my legs, leaving the car and standing beside it, watching my brother fuel up.

"So you and Pete?"

My eyebrows rise slightly, "Me and Pete?"

He turns to look at me, "you two are adorable. You totally need to hook up or something. I can feel the romantic tension."

I raise my eyebrows skeptically, "Uh-huh, sure. I'm not... I'm not into him like that."

He raises his eyebrows right back, red hair framing his narrow face, "And I'm just supposed to think that hesitation meant nothing."

I blush a mad red, "Look even if... even if I did like him like that there's no way he'd feel the same way about me. A-and I mean it's not like I'll live long enough to see it go into fruition."

Gerard whips around a glare on his face as he stalks toward me, pinning me against the car and making my heart race, "do not talk like that. You are not going to die and the doctors don't even know if it's cancer."

"Yeah. Right. Because it's normal to get lumps in your side." I reply sarcastically.

"Stop, Mikey, it's seriously stressing everyone out. Mama cries herself to sleep, did you think about that? Do you want her to do that, Mikes? Is that it?"

I feel guilt swell in my stomach and my anger drops, "She... cries herself to sleep?"

"Yes, Mikey, are you really that fucking blind?" Gerard begs, "You aren't going to die. Not now, not in ten years. I am going to stay by your side to the end. Do you understand? I love you, man. I hate seeing you like this. We all do."

"I'm sorry."

"Damn right you should be." He growls, pulling the pump from the tank.

That's the last time I worry about the cancer aloud to Gerard.

***

Four hours pass and that's when I finally allow myself to take out my notebook after Pete takes a picture of the two of us with his camera, downtown in the background.

3\. Visit Seattle


	7. Chapter 7

4.0

The city is beautiful.

We come down the highway that gives us the first sight of the space needle. It's actually a lot shorter than most of the other buildings around Seattle but it's lit up with greens and blues (I think it's for the Seahawks, I hear they're really big on football). The streets are dark, lit by golden streetlights and the buildings are tall and dark, but they have all sorts of neon lights up the sides.

Off in the distance past the city is a body of water. Elliot Bay, I think, and it eventually leads out to the Pacific Ocean. There are also a few islands past there, Banebridge, Vashon, Whidbey, Camano, Morrowstone. As I'm looking over the horizon, I realize I might have done a bit too much research on Washington.

"We're staying at the Kimpton Alexis Hotel 'cause it was the cheapest we could find. But on the bright side it's like 6 or 7 blocks away from the ferris wheel and Pike Place Market." Patrick says from upfront.

I smile and squeal, pulling Pete close to muffle it. He chuckles and runs his fingers through my hair before I let go.

"You excited?" Pete asks playfully.

"Uh-huh."

He smirks and kisses my cheek before looking back out the window as if nothing even happened.

I feel my cheeks warm up and my eyes widen and my breathing even goes as far as to hitch.

It doesn't mean anything... right? Friends do that? Casually kiss each other's cheeks? God, I hope so.

I blink and smile slightly to myself nevertheless, pressing two fingers to where his lips just were.

Just friends.

***

When we arrive at the hotel, Patrick and Gerard and Pete and I hang out in the hotel room for a bit, planning out the next week.

"I want to go to the Ferris wheel maybe at one point or at least go down to the dock. Going on the space needle would be pretty cool, too. Or Pike Place Market—"

"Chill, Mikes." Gerard chuckles, looking back down at his phone where he has Google Maps and the Space Needle reservations pulled up.

"We have six days to do whatever the fuck we want. We have the concert on the 1st so we could probably do something that morning or just chill. And that's five days to do whatever else we want to do." Gerard says, "So we could do... the space needle day after tomorrow and I can get reservations tonight. Then I guess take a break tomorrow. Take a break on Sunday for the concert, too..."

I watch as he quickly writes it down in a little notebook he'd packed.

"we can go to the Ferris wheel or whatever for the 2nd I guess. There's this beach I want to go to on the 3rd and on the fourth we can watch the fireworks. Sound good enough for you guys?"

Pete, Patrick, and I all nod in agreement and watch as the red haired boy writes it down then looks up with a grin.

"We have the week planned."

I smile and after a moment as Patrick and Pete announce they're getting ready for bed, I grab my notebook and copy down the schedule. Just because.

June 29th - Break  
June 30th - Space Needle  
July 1st - Concert  
July 2nd - Ferris Wheel/Pike Place  
July 3rd - Beach  
July 4th - Fourth of July   
July 5th - drive back


	8. Chapter 8

4.1

The next morning, I wake up with Pete's arms around me (again).

It doesn't bother me as much as it should, which is kind of bad because it should bother me a lot more than it does.

I can hear Gerard and Patrick still fast asleep and sigh. I tend to wake up earlier than everyone else. It's probably 5 in the morning right now. Gerard usually wakes up closer to 9 and Patrick at a healthy middle. Pete, though, I'm not so sure about.

Either way, I make my way out of bed, careful not to wake the photographer and, after slipping on some clean clothes in the bathroom, I make my way down the hotel hall to the balcony I saw yesterday night.

I reach the end of the hall and, glad to see nobody else, take a seat at one of the plastic chairs, pulling my legs up to my chest and hugging them there. The sun is rising in the east and shining just over the horizon. Buildings gleam in the light as the last moments of night come to an end.

I've always loved the sunrise, loved watching the stars fade. I prefer sunset but this will do.

My eyes fall from the view to my fingers, twiddling slightly and then back to the buildings where I focus my view on the Space Needle in the distance, shining. The lights are off unlike how they were last night but it stands just as tall as I remember.

"Hey."

I nearly jump out of my seat at the sound of Pete coming outside from the hotel and glance up to see him still in his pajamas, a cup of coffee in hand.

"Hi," I reply, my voice small. So much for having some time alone.

"Is it okay if I stay for a bit?" The black haired boy asks quietly, "I won't bother."

"N-no, it's fine, sit."

He smiles slightly and takes a seat at the chair beside mine, pulling his legs crossed on the chair and sipping from the cup in small measurements. Steam is coming up from the dark liquid, disappearing in thin air when it hits the cold morning air.

I must have been staring for too long because Pete turns to me and holds out the cup, "You like coffee?"

"Y-yeah, thanks." I smile, taking a sip before passing it back.

"It's really pretty, isn't it?" He asks, looking back out at all the buildings, decorated in pinks and oranges and blues.

"Yeah."

There's silence for a while and it's not as awkward as it sounds because we're both kinda happy right here, the emerald city in front of us. It's really nice.

I take a sip from the coffee and pass it back, watching the half empty liquid ripple through the cup.

"Do you really think you have cancer?"

The question comes out as a whisper, pained as if since we first met, we've become best friends, seen the world, and maybe even fallen in love. The truth is a disappointment in comparison. We barely know each other, but he's become just as attached to me as if we had done everything together.

"Patrick told you?" I ask. Pete nods and after a long moment and a sigh, I answer him, "What else could it be? It's not genetic, people don't just get growths like that. I don't like to say it but I really truly think it's cancer and I really truly think I'm gonna die."

Pete swallows and after a moment sets the mug down and stands up, pulling me into his arms.

"I'm not gonna let you die."


	9. Chapter 9

4.2

Knock, knock, kn—

I stop as soon as I hear the bed inside the room squeaking softly and hold my head in my hands when the moans enter my ears.

"Hold on!" Patrick calls from inside, his voice the slightest bit whiny.

"Uh... take your time." I yell back, blushing and trying to get the image of my own brother naked out of my mind.

Pete chuckles a little and sits down, leaning on the wall beside the door and motioning me to join him. I do it almost immediately, falling to my ass and awkwardly looking away from the boy.

There's at least five more minutes of pure awkwardness and the faint sounds of Patrick and Gerard finishing up in the bedroom.

Once the door finally opens, I stay outside and wait for Pete to get dressed in better clothes while Patrick approaches me.

"So Gerard and I are gonna stay at the hotel room. We're giving you $100 each and you can't come back 'til like 4 or so. Here's your phone." He hands over my phone and I take it gratefully, "Anything happens, just call us. And don't crash the car."

I raise an eyebrow, "Dude, your acting like Mama. We're the same age. Just because you have a guy doesn't mean you can boss me around like I'm a kid."

"Not trying to boss you around," Patrick smirks, "Just keeping the image of your brother having sex out of your mind."

I shudder, "Dude. Gross."

"Exactly."

***

"So where do you wanna go?" I ask Pete, following him down the block. It's lined with tall, grey and tan skyscrapers, some smaller buildings and lots of shining windows. It's really nice, especially with the salty morning air.

"You know Seattle better than I do."

"Yeah, but—"

"Butts are for gay sex. Where are we going?" Pete asks with a smirk. I roll my eyes at his immaturity.

"I don't know. Where do you like taking pictures?" I ask, gesturing to the expensive camera around his neck. It's not the Polaroid one, either. This one's probably more toward professional pictures.

"Cities, rain, cities in the rain, cities in the rain at night." He says.

"Woah," I reply sarcastically, "Much aesthetic. Obviously it's not raining right now. But we could probably go around the Space Needle. There's this park just a little bit away with this really good view of Seattle across a lake. It's where most of the photographers do it. Would that work for you?"

Pete smiles, "Yeah, sure. How far away?"

I quickly pull it up on Google maps, Kimpton Alexis Hotel to Gas Works Park.

"Twelve minutes." I reply, looking up at Pete. He shrugs and nods, "Okay."

We head to the valet parking and grab the car, flashing our hotel card. As soon as I get in the car, I start up the directions and we make our way to the park.

The drive takes us out of Seattle on the highway that brought us in. This time, though, we stop before we leave the the general area, turning off the highway and going to the park where we park in the lot, careful to lock the doors because I know Gerard and Patrick would kill me if they found out someone broke into the car.

I follow Pete—who is running very fast—through the park, avoiding all the goose poop in the grass. He has a smile on his face as we pass the large structure (I think it held nuclear waste at one point?) in the middle of the park and on to the small viewpoint on just the other side.

Sure enough, in the distance we can both see Seattle, the entirety of it and from here if you photograph it from just the right angle, the Space Needle looks bigger than the rest of it.

Pete holds the camera up to his eye, snapping a few pictures here and there, keeping it steady. I laugh at how eager he is with the light of morning still shining across the sky. It really is a pretty sight.

"Is this okay?"

"It's wonderful." Pete breathes.

He pulls the camera away from his eye and looks at me, our eyes meeting. I immediately lower mine and swallow nervously. I can't help but notice how close he is to me and I swear he's inching closer.

"I-I uh..." I shut my mouth, though, when he doesn't say anything and just continues to look at me with a small smile, camera dangling from his neck. The park is empty. It's just him and me. Oh my god.

It's just him and me.

Pete walks forward a little so he's right in front of me. My heart is pounding in my chest as he looks me up and down, swallowing nervously.

I open my mouth, about to say something, but he only presses a finger to it and leans forward eyes shut. Mine open even more and I duck away before our lips meet.

"I-I can't, Pete." I whisper, looking away, "I-I'm sorry I just..."

"No," he replies gently, "It's okay. I shouldn't... just... it's okay. We don't. I don't have to."

That's all he has to say to make it okay again and I... god, I want to so bad but I'll only hurt him. He'll only hurt me.

It can't happen like this.


	10. Chapter 10

4.3

There's silence on the drive back to the hotel.

I'm still conflicted about Pete trying to kiss me. I like to shove eyeliner in my dick because it makes my cum as black as my soul. What if he tries again? Doesn't stop even? I doubt he'd be the kind of guy to do that, but you can never be too sure.

I'm still avoiding his eyes, mine concentrated on the road as we drive back toward the hotel.

"How about we go back to the docks?" He suggests quietly, "We could get Starbucks or something."

"Okay." I reply. There's more silence soon after, Pete leaning to watch out the window as we pass the Space Needle and continue back down the highway to the hotel.

We return to the hotel and get out of the car once it's parked by the valet. Pete stands by my side as I hand over the keys and after a moment to make sure he has it, the two of us leave, heading across the street to get Starbucks (because there's at least one at every block).

We get a coffee, and after an extremely awkward time of walking together in silence, he breaks it. 

"So are you excited for the concert?" Pete asks.

"Yeah," I reply with a small smile, "I think it'll be cool..."

Pete bites his lip and after a moment, pulls me closer by my side, sipping from his coffee as we continue to walk down the rainy docks.

"What's your favorite song?"

"I'm Lost Without You."

"Why?"

I look up at him.

"Because it makes me think of the relationship I've always wanted, but I can never have."

This was short and cringy but I needed to update.


	11. Chapter 11

4.4

The Space Needle is tall, and I keep close to Mikey on the way up, hand squeezing his and head down as I look across the city.

Yesterday was long and awkward and we waited for most of today for this. Now, it's night, though, and everything is just beautiful. City lights scattering the ground. Blues and greens and reds and yellows. Every color in the rainbow and more. I look over to see Pete putting his camera to his eye and taking a picture. It's a polaroid camera.

As soon as it's printed, he hands it to me and kisses me on the cheek. I blush hard.

We reach the top of the Space Needle, at the visitor center and not the restaurant (yet). Gerard winks at me before going on ahead with Patrick's hand in his, going to the outside of the rim and heading to the other side of it while leaving Pete and I behind.

Pete smiles at me and blushes the slightest. I only take his hand and kiss him right back on the cheek before pulling him along to the outside.

The city is stunning.

I can see the tallest building, tall and a sleek black with a purple rim. The ferries wheel is lit a bright red. Lampposts decorated with blue and yellow and white lights.

But Pete's not even looking at the sights. He's gazing right at me.

I look back, eyes wide and a smile traced on my thin lips. Pete only chuckles a little before finally turning and taking in the sights.

I'm the first to speak.

"It's so pretty."

Pete nods silently, "Not as pretty as you."

I blush a deep red at that, smiling the slightest.

Pete only pulls me close, "I really do care about you, Mikey. I... I understand if you don't feel the same way about me as I feel about you but I want you to know I really do care about you. You aren't gonna die. You don't have cancer and even if you do," he turns and holds my hands tightly so he's looking right into my eyes and I'm staring right back, "You need to know that you're fucking special.

"The most special boy on this planet."

I blush even darker, feeling tears rise to my eyes.

"I love you, mikeyway. I... I'm guessing you already know this... but I really do. I don't wanna see you go."

My hands are beginning to tremble as I pull him closer, hands lacing around his neck instead and our lips are only inches apart.

"I love you, too."

And our lips touch.

I'm sure I hear the click of a camera but I couldn't care less.

All that matters is Pete.

***

We head to bed a little later that night. We probably could have gone a little earlier but Pete's lips were basically trapping me. Making me giggle and kiss back. It got o the point where I was straddling him and kissing marks down his neck. We could. Not. Stop. Kissing.

It was nice though, there was a lot of tension that had been settling and with this, it was all cured. We were free again.

I smile as I kiss him one last time, pulling away and avoiding it when he tries to kiss me again, "We gotta go to bed. I'm sure Gerard and Patrick are tired of hearing it."

Pete sighs and nods, pressing a chaste one to my forehead before holding me close, fingers. Laced together gently. I blush the slightest.

"Do you mind if I sing you to sleep?" He asks quietly.

I shake my head, "'Course not."

Pete smiles and kisses me once again, right on the lips. It's a fast, fleeting kind. But it still makes me grin.

"Some say, now suffer all the children  
And walk away a savior,  
Or a madman and polluted  
From gutter institutions  
Don't you breathe for me,  
Undeserving of your sympathy,  
'Cause there ain't no way that I'm sorry for what I did."

"And through it all  
How could you cry for me?  
'Cause I don't feel bad about it  
So shut your eyes,  
Kiss me goodbye,  
And sleep  
Just sleep..."

I watch as he shuts his eyes, whispering out the words so softly I can barely hear, but at the same time, it echoes through my ears so loud.

"The hardest part is letting go of your dreams

"A drink for the horror that I'm in,  
For the good guys, and the bad guys,  
For the monsters in our beds  
Three cheers for tyranny,  
Unapologetic apathy,  
'Cause there ain't no way that I'm coming back again."

"And through it all  
How could you cry for me?  
'Cause I don't feel bad about it  
So shut your eyes,  
Kiss me goodbye,  
And sleep  
Just sleep."

"The hardest part's the awful things that I've seen."

I'm so close but one more question sends me off.

"Did Gerard show you that?"

"Mhmm, goodnight, Love. We can talk in the morning."

***

4\. Go to the Space Needle  
5\. Fall in love


	12. Chapter 12

6.0

"Hey, Mikey, little bro, can you talk for a moment?"

I look up from where I've got my notebook in hand, writing down random lyrics and taping in the polaroids from last night. The city, Pete and I's kiss, me across the table (it was one that he snuck). He wrote perfect on the back. My heart fluttered.

"Yeah, sure, what's wrong?" I ask in my usual quiet tone. Gerard smiles and shakes his head, "Nothing, I just want to talk to you."

"Oh, okay," I reply, watching as he sits in front of me on Pete and I's bed.

"Look, just... you and Pete, you're obviously a thing now, right?"

"Right..."

"So I thought you could borrow Patrick and I's lube and condoms if you-"

"Oh my god, Gerard!" I yell, blushing fiercely and hitting him with my pillow, "I'm not using a lube bottle that's probably covered in my brother's ass juice!"

Gerard laughs lightlyheartedly, "I'm just kidding Mikes, but I did get you some lube and condoms from the store. I don't want you to have unprotected sex or anything and it hurts bad without lube. I don't want your first time to be super shitty."

I blush as he puts them into my bedside drawer and pats my head.

"What did Mama say?" I ask.

He holds a finger to his lips and winks, "She doesn't have to know."

I shake my head, lowering my eyes and covering my face, "I can't believe you."

"So uh... I thought I should let you know that Patrick and I are gonna stick around after the concert tonight or go somewhere else to eat if you and Pete wanted to go back to the hotel early or something," Gerard says, then pats my head and smiles, "Get ready, we're leaving soon."

I raise my eyebrows but bury my head in my hands soon after.

Oh. My. God.


	13. Chapter 13

6.1

"How is Seattle doing today?"

An echo of screams follow Mark's voice, including Pete and I, his hand in mine as we laugh, my eyes wide and a smile right on my lips.

"That's great!" Mark smiles and looks to Matt, then to Travis, "Okay guys, we're gonna start off here pretty easy, sing along if you're feeling it."

He backs up, pulling the mic to his chin and looking across the crowd as the three start it off with their instruments, Mark coming in a little while after.

"I'm like a cat in a cage, locked up and battered and bruised  
I am the prodigal son, a shameful prodigy too  
I am the love of your life, battering ram and confused  
I turn each day into night, I stand there waiting for you  
There is desire to fight, but I have nothing to prove  
With the crowd and some lights, I start to feel things move  
Do you have something to hide? 'Cause I think that we all do  
I am a child inside, back up and give me some room."

I watch a Matt joins in, singing the lead while Mark sings background.

"I'm just a bastard child, don't let it go to your head  
I'm just a waste of your time, maybe I'm better off dead  
You turn us loose in the night, I'm fucking Jekyll and Hyde  
We'll have the time of our lives although we're dying inside."

"So let me go, go  
So let me go, go  
Just let me go, go  
I'd rather go in alone  
So let me go, go  
So let me go, go  
Just let me go, go  
I'm never coming home."

"Don't start to panic for me, 'cause I have nothing to lose  
I am as bright as the sun, I burn up all that I choose  
Upon the side of a field I see a city with lights  
I touch her face and I kneel, she tells me she's not alive  
I am too nervous to run, like kids who scatter and hide  
To reach and grab for someone, but end up buried alive  
A world is waiting for me, a road that I rarely use  
I start to feel my feet, they kick down walls as they move."

"I'm just a bastard child, don't let it go to your head  
I'm just a waste of your time, maybe I'm better off dead  
You turn us loose in the night, I'm fucking Jekyll and Hyde  
We'll have the time of our lives although we're dying inside."

"So let me go, go  
So let me go, go  
Just let me go, go  
I'd rather go in alone  
So let me go, go  
So let me go, go  
Just let me go, go  
I'm never coming home."

"I'm just a bastard child, don't let it go to your head  
I'm just a waste of your time, maybe I'm better off dead  
You turn us loose in the night, I'm fucking Jekyll and Hyde  
We'll have the time of our lives although we're dying inside."

"So let me go, go  
So let me go, go  
Just let me go, go  
I'd rather go in alone  
So let me go, go  
So let me go, go  
Just let me go, go  
I'm never coming home."

***

It's about halfway through the concert when the band finally starts to slow and as soon as the next song starts, my heart begins to race in my chest and a wide grin spreads on my lips.

"This is it!" I say to Pete over the people around us.

He chuckles and kisses my cheek before pulling his camera from his neck and taking a quick picture, dark blue lights surrounding us.

I kiss him hard on the lips, squeezing my eyes shut before the piano comes in softly, Mark there and Matt and Travis at their own instruments. I pull away as soon as Mark comes in, smiling brightly at the stage.

"I swear that I can go on forever again  
Please let me know that my one bad day will end  
I will go down as your lover, your friend  
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin." Pete kisses me gently and turns me so we're facing before he hugs me close and buries his face in my shoulder.

"Are you afraid of being alone?  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight?  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you." I swear I've never felt so close to the lyrics. The piano and the drums and Mark's voice loud and plain.

"I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you  
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you  
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming?  
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this

"Are you afraid of being alone?  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight?  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you."

The intermission is long and I feel tears slowly rising to my eyes as my thoughts fill with Pete. It's only been two days but I know damn well it's been so much longer. So, so much longer.

"Are you afraid of being alone?  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight?  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you."

"I'll never leave you, I promise."

"Are you afraid of being alone  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you  
Are you afraid of leaving tonight  
Cause I am, I'm lost without you."

"I promise, too."

"I'm lost without you  
I'm lost without you."

Pete looks down at me with a gentle smile, laughing the slightest and I hear his voice in my ear.

"Is there any reason as to why that song is still your favorite even after you have me?"

I chuckle, "Because it reminds me of the relationship I already have. I don't need any more than you.

"I love you."


	14. Chapter 14

6.2

"Oh my god, Mikey, your cock is soooo big in my tight ass..."

"You fucking like that, Whore?"

"Yes, oh god, D-Daddy!"

I hear the giggling of Gerard and Patrick as they walk away and jump on the bed one last time for good measure. Pete snorts beside me, smiling a wide smile as he lays back in bed, "You're such a fucking dork."

"Shut up, Wentz," I smile back, grabbing his Polaroid camera and setting it back from us before clicking it quickly. Pete's making a grr face while I just kiss his cheek.

"You look like my bitch," Pete says as he grabs it from they camera.

"You're the one acting like a dog," I reply, putting the picture in with the others from the concert into my notebook.

"I love you, mikeyway," he smiles against my neck.

"I love you, too," I reply, quickly flipping to the start of my notebook.

6) Go to a Blink-182 concert


	15. Chapter 15

7.0

The next day after a long night's rest (where Pete and I spent most of it driving Patrick and Gerard away until they realized that it was all fake), we head to the Ferris wheel. I have that song that Mama used to sing to me stuck in my head, the one that Pete stares singing to me.

"A drink for the horror that I'm in  
For the good guys and the bad guys  
For the monsters that I've been..."

Pete kisses me head as I lean into his side, shutting my eyes. We spend most of today sleeping and talking and we went out to the dock and down to Pike Place Market but it was all kind of disappointing. The ferris wheel won't be. We both know that. All of us do.

"Four adults for the Ferris wheel," Gerard says at the front booth. Pete's eyes are gazing down at where our hands are intertwined, his black hair prickly on his head and I smile a little when he looks up at me.

"You're really beautiful," I whisper, my eyes flickering over his Green Day tee and the jeans on his legs then back up to his muscled frame. I notice how much tanner he is compared to me and how lanky I am compared to him but how cute he is despite that. I'm not cute or beautiful or anything. I'm a lanky, awkward fuck.

"You're beautiful," Pete replies, pulling up his camera and taking a picture, watching me blush and quickly cover my face, "And I like to take pictures of things that are beautiful."

"Jesus Christ Wentz, if you were any more cheesy, I'm afraid you'd be Pizza Hut."

Pete chuckles, following Patrick and Gerard up to the line for the Ferris wheel in the darkness, lit by lampposts and Christmas lights despite the fact it's July 2nd.

The boy takes my hand and we run ahead, cutting through the empty line to the wheel where it's actually fairly empty. Then again it's a Sunday night and most people are probably getting ready for work tomorrow.

I let Pete lead me into the cabin, followed not long after by Gerard and Patrick. Once the guy gives us safety instructions that nobody listens to, the door shuts and we lift into the air slowly. Pete holds my hand as we turn to see the Space Needle in the distance, shining bright with purple lighting around the rim along with a few other buildings decorating the area. Pete smiles brightly at the sight but I can tell he isn't looking at the Space Needle.

I turn my head the slightest to see him glancing at me with a look of joy and amusement.

"Guys, c'mon, let's get a picture," Pete says, pulling off the Polaroid camera and holding it out far enough to get Gerard, Patrick, him, and I all in one. We all smile for the picture besides Patrick who has his lips on Gerard's cheek. I internally cringe but let it pass, instead just kissing Pete on the lips and feeling him kiss back after a long moment.

God, I'm so happy.


	16. Chapter 16

7.1

Pete had the idea when he was looking over my bucket list the last night after the ferris wheel.

He helped me write it out and we just kind of used one of those fancy Coca-Cola bottles they sell at Safeway to put it in. Which brings me here, on the beach. The bonfire is bright in front of us, flickering golden embers and shadows dancing on the ground.

"Hello there,

"If you're reading this, this is now your four leaf clover. Good job, you found a message in a bottle. Your one in a million.

"Go get that person you've been thinking about. You're gonna be okay. Let the good times roll and just have fun.

"It'll be okay.

"-P + M."

I smile and feel Pete's lips on my cheek and his hand on my arm as a big boom goes off in the distance along with a crackle. The sky lights up with white and yellow.

Gerard quickly grabs the bucket he set aside with water and pours it over the bonfire, filling it up again not long after and pouring it over again. It takes at least five buckets before it finally fades away all the way.

Boom! Shhh...

My eyes lift from Gerard to instead go to the sky. Green, it's so big and bright and beautiful.

Click

My eyes turn from the sky to instead focus on Pete who's taking pictures of the show. The Polaroid camera leaves the sky not long after, though, and instead comes to me with my messy black hair and wrinkled jacket. I give a small smirk but that's about it as he takes a picture of me. 

"Beautiful," Pete whispers. I smile fondly, lowering my eyes as I put the paper in the Coca-Cola bottle and screw on the cap.

Boom! Cracklerackle!

I step forward, swinging the bottle at my side as I head to the shoreline where the waves are washing up with a comforting sound.

Shh.... shhhh...

I hold the bottle back, the ocean rocking before me and without a second thought, I throw it out. 

That's also when I fall to the ground and all goes black.


	17. Chapter 17

9.0

"Oh my god, is he okay?"

"Mikey, please wake up, please I love you so much."

"Mama's gonna be here soon, I promise. We're gonna get this figured out."

I squeeze my eyes shut, as the ringing in my ears clear and my eyes open the slightest to see a plain white ceiling, light from the windows painting it a shade of blue.

There's a hand in mine, as well, and I immediately recognize the calloused pads.

"Pete...? What happened...?" I groan, turning my head and listening to the steady beeping of the heart rate monitor.

Pete sighs in relief and buries his head in my chest, "you blacked out on the beach, Man. You threw that bottle out and just collapsed. We took you to the hospital and they looked you over and they looked at the lump a-and..."

His hand begins shaking roughly and his words become caught in his throat.

"They said you have cancer, Mikes..."

He barely holds his composure for more than another five seconds before tears fall from his eyes and his head collapses on my chest.

"They said it's the kind that spreads. I-I don't know what to do, Mikes. There are all these what if's. I-I just-"

"Hey," I smile and look down at him, forcing his head up so our eyes meet, "Remember a week ago when we were on the balcony and you asked if I thought I had cancer? Remember when I said I did and I was going to die? And you told me you won't let me die? You promised you wouldn't let me die," I smile down at him, "Don't let me down, Wentz."

He cries harder if that's even possible and squeezes my hand. I only wipe his tears and whisper a small request.

"Can you sing to me?"

His dark hazel eyes watch mine for a moment and when I make the request clearer, he nods. He sits up a little straighter and smiles before nuzzling against my neck and swallowing.

"Honey  
Now I'm singing in the dark  
Watching the spirits of my heart  
If I'm a shadow you're my light

"Lovely, I feel you love some other guy  
I need a drink to let it slide  
While I'm not proud, it's who I am

"If you gonna let me, down this road  
Please hold me strong my love  
If you're gonna hurt me  
Deep inside  
Please tell me what is like  
Hold me  
Just hold me

"And if you ever reach out to the skies  
Please tell me what is like  
I'll be waiting down here with my lies  
Just wishing big brown eyes hold me  
Just hold me tight

"Juli, being different doesn't mean it's bad  
You're just making us apart  
Why won't you let me hold your heart

"Truly, I didn't thought I'd fall for you  
But you are so lovely when you are you  
Songs can say what words can't do

"If you gonna let me, down this road  
Please hold me strong my love  
If you're gonna hurt me  
Deep inside  
Please tell me what is like  
Hold me  
Just hold me

"And if you ever reach out to the skies  
Please tell me what is like  
I'll be waiting down here with my lies  
Just wishing big brown eyes  
Hold me  
Just hold me tight."

He's shaking slightly, but he's starting to calm down.

"I liked the other one better," I whisper, and then I drift off to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

9.1

I'm bound to the bed for the next few days or until I'm stable enough to go home.

Mama makes her way to Seattle and when she arrives, she has a near heart attack when she sees me. I only lower my eyes and clench the blanket.

"Mikey, oh my god..."

I take a deep breath and finally just look up at her, my eyes dark because I haven't slept in the past few days. She looks just as tired and I doubt she slept on the drive here.

"Mama," I smile slightly and turn over in bed, ignoring the needle in my arm and the clip on my index finger.

She rushes forward and holds me in a tight hug, tears beginning to swell at her eyes, "I should have never let you go on this trip, god it was so irresponsible of me..."

"Mama, it's fine, really," I whisper, "It's fine, I had a great time while it lasted and even if I did stay at home, it's not like you could have stopped it..."

She sighs as she pulls away and after a moment, I wipe the tears from her cheeks, "I love you, Mama."

"I love you, too, Mikey," she whispers, "What did the doctors say?"

I sigh, glancing away, "They said it started in my lungs, most likely from second hand smoke. It began to spread and created the tumor in my side. That's all they know, Mama, and it's up to us on what we want to do about it. There's surgery which they can't guarantee will help. There's radiation therapy. And there's chemo. They suggested chemo."

I hug my knees to my chest through the hospital gown, "They said I can go tomorrow, on the 8th. But you need to stop smoking... I... I'm so scared, Mama..."

She sighs and hugs me close, comforting my sobs of fear and hate and sorrow. Why did this happen to me? Why, out of everyone, was it me? Why does my life have to be at risk and not someone else's? I don't blame her for smoking even though it was that decisions that gave me this, but I don't blame her. Never in a million years would I.

Mama comes close and hugs me to her chest, hands shaking and tears falling from her eyes.

"This was my fault. I'm so sorry... please don't be scared. I'm here. Patrick and Gerard are here. Pete's here..." I hear her voice crack midsentence but I find solace in her warmth and let her pull me closer.

"I won't let anything happen. I swear on my life."


	19. Chapter 19

9.2

The drive back home was long. I was depressed. Everyone kinda was, though.

Mama and Pete and I all drove back in one car. Apparently she wanted to "keep an eye on me" in case something happened. Patrick and Gerard had a separate car ride because we had a whole other car to take back.

Anyways, now I'm at home. Laying in bed. A hoodie on my chest and sweatpants on my legs with my shoes kicked off on the floor. Mama wouldn't let me help carry stuff in because I might hurt myself. Apparently now that the cancer is official, I'm going to get hurt at every little thing that happens.

Pete and Gerard and Patrick and Mama are carrying in luggage, and I'm just laying in bed taking in everything.

I'm gonna die. I know I'm gonna die. I'm not gonna finish the list, Pete's gonna leave me, Gerard's gonna go back to college, and Patrick? He's been there for me. He and Mama will be there at my deathbed.

I pull my knees up to my chest, tears beginning to rise to my eyes. I'm gonna die. I am dying. Everything is going to hell. I've completely fucked up.

I run my fingers through my hair and finally just pull the blankets up past my head so I'm engulfed in darkness. Everything. There is no cancer when there is nothing. There is no hate, no change. Nothing.

I pull my knees to my chest and stare into nothing. Just... pretend everything's okay.

Everything is not okay. Everything is a planet and a half away from okay. The information is still sinking into my brain and screaming in my ears. My hands are shaking and tears are falling down my cheeks in the warm darkness.

I'm not sure how much time passes, enough for me to break out into full on sobs and my hands to start shaking, but the next thing I know, there's a hand tugging the blankets off of me and two, sad baby blue eyes gazing at me.

"Mikey, hey, you okay?" Patrick asks quietly.

"Do I look okay?" I snap, glaring at him, "Go away, 'Trick. And gimme back my blanket. Just... go fuck my brother or something. I don't care."

Patrick stares at me, but his features stay soft, "Mikey, I-"

"Go!" I yell, tugging the blankets up and over my head, "Just go away, Patrick. I don't want your fucking pity."

I can feel his presence for a moment longer, then his footsteps fade, creaking out of the room.

They're back not long after, though.

"Patrick, I told you to fucking go away!" I yell, tugging off my blanket and glaring at-

Pete.

He's kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his jacket, letting both of them go to the floor. After a quick glance at the piano in the corner of my room, he crawls into bed and pulls the blanket up over the two of us, the Polaroid camera gone from his neck for the first time in forever.

"'M sorry," I whisper, lowering my eyes. Pete only presses a finger to my lips, then kisses me.

"Don't say sorry, Love," he whispers, "you're afraid. I understand. I'm afraid, too."

"You don't..." I trail off, just shaking my head before pressing my face into his chest, "I just wish this had never happened..."

Pete hushes me softly, running his fingers up and down my chest, "It's gonna be okay, Kay? Never gonna let it kill you..."

I nod slightly, subconsciously itching at the lump. Pete stops me, though, running his fingers over the hard skin, then pulling off and holding my hands. I shiver a little at he feeling of his fingers on it, but I don't let it get to me too bad. I just listen to his soft breaths and shit my eyes and try not to cry more.

"Do you ever use that piano?" Pete asks, voice quiet and gentle.

"Sometimes," I reply, "When I feel depressed."

"Can I play?" He questions.

"Uh... sure?" I frown. He pulls the blanket off of us and takes my hand, making me smile as he pushes me down on the bench.

"Play a song for me," he says almost immediately.

"I don't... I thought you were playing," I say.

"You first," he whispers, nuzzling into my neck, "play me something pretty. Please?"

I blush a dark red, then after a long moment, I nod, sighing and turning on the piano, placing my right hand on C, E, and G and my left hand on C and G. I play a simple rhythm, switching to F, then to G twice and repeating.

It takes a moment of courage and a couple more round before I can finally part my lips and sing.

"Some say, now suffer all the children  
And walk away a savior,  
Or a madman and polluted  
From gutter institutions  
Don't you breathe for me,  
Undeserving of your sympathy,  
Cause there ain't no way I'm sorry for what I've done."

A flat, F, C, B flat.

"And through it all  
How could you cry for me?  
'Cause I don't feel bad about it  
So shut your eyes,  
Kiss me goodbye,"

C, E, C, E...

"And sleep  
Just sleep...

"The hardest part is letting go of  
Your dreams."

I blush, lowering my hands from the piano while Pete smiles behind me, then reaches over and plays it back just as I had (although, he messes up a couple times).

"You really like this song, don't you?" He asks. I nod absent-mindedly.

He kisses me.

"I love it, too."


	20. Chapter 20

9.3

I return to the doctor's on July 17th. We had to reschedule because I was in the hospital at the last appointment in Seattle.

Now I'm here, about to get the lump tested and cut out. Pete and Patrick and Mama and Gerard are by my side as we sit in the waiting room. It's true that it had originated as lung cancer, then caused the lump. They don't expect any more of them, thank god, but they need to remove it so it doesn't cause anymore harm. Afterwards, we'll talk about treatments.

I'm scared, we've both already decided to do chemo because it's the cheapest and the most efficient but I'm scared. And I'm sad. And Pete keeps telling me not to give up hope but it's so hard when all my brain screams at me is that I'm gonna die and my heart whispers in a caring tone it'll be alright.

His hand is in mine. My eyes are on the floor. Everything is a blur and I don't realize I'm crying up Patrick wipes a tear from my cheek and hushes me. I immediately lean into his side, letting him pull me close until my head is in his chest and I'm shaking.

Pete sighs somewhere to my left but Patrick only pats my back and pulls me up, saying to Gerard and Patrick and Donna in a quiet voice that we'll be back. I don't make an effort to talk to them, too much is rolling through my mind, too many worries, too much.

Patrick pulls me out of the waiting room and to a small, empty area with a water fountain and an elevator heading downstairs. The blond hugs me close, hushing my frantic sobs and wiping my tears.

"Mikey, hey," Patrick whispers, "Look at me."

I just stare at the ground, I can't. What if it spreads? What if it goes to my brain? What if I die? What if the surgery only makes it worse?

"Mikey!" Patrick snaps, forcing my head up, "Take a deep fucking breath."

I comply after a moment, feeling my lungs inhale, then exhale.

"It'll be okay, trust me." He gives a fond smile and I find myself return it weakly not long after.

"Michael Way?" I hear a call from the waiting room and immediately turn my head.

"It'll be okay," Patrick whispers, "I promise."

I can only wait and see.

***

I'm not sure how much time passes before I wake up, eyes opening drowsily from where I find myself laying in a hospital bed. I'm hooked up to an IV, water flowing into me. Nobody occupies the room besides Pete beside my bed, eyes glued to his phone and his eyes lowered.

"Hey."

He looks up, blinking with those bright brown eyes and immediately smiling, "Mikey, you're awake."

I nod, "Did it go well?"

Pete puts his phone away as he replies, "Yeah, they got the lump out and are tracking the cancer. It hasn't spread from your lungs so that's good. I'm gonna go get everyone else."

"Wait," I say, "Can it just be you? I wanna talk for a bit."

He blinks, then nods, smiling softly and sitting back down.

"Over here."

He chuckles a little, instead sitting on the hospital bed and kissing me gently, lips dancing together. I smile, unable to do much else.

We don't break away for at least thirty seconds and when we finally do, he rests his forehead on mine and shuts his eyes.

"You're beautiful, y'know that?"

"Shut up, Wentz. You're such a fucking romantic," I reply, rolling my eyes.

He kisses me again, then traces his lips down my cheek and jaw to my neck, "Well, you know what? I'm gonna ask my dad to let me stay at your house tonight and maybe you can meet him and I'm gonna prove you wrong."

I raise my eyebrows, "Oh."

"Oh," he smiles up at me, "it'll be okay. I swear. I really gotta bring them in, though. I love you, M."

"Love you, too, Pete."


End file.
